don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
