I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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