you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
