How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
