whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
