32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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