dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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