It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
