I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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