this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
