walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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