sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
