I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
