The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
