I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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