So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
