My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
