I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
