omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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