I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
