Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
