8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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