I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
