is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
