He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
3pm strippers are depressing
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
