I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
