better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize