You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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