Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
