the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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