I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just tell him i said nine months
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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