I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
