oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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