I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
