LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can I color on your dick again?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
