i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
