Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
