I just pynch a tree in the face
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
