HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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