I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
