turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
