Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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