I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
