its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
