how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
