dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
