Umm I'm too high to move.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
