Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
