I love black thongs
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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