I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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