I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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