apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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