That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize