Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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