i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish you could order shots online.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize