Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
