Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
