Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
