I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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