Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize