I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
