oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
