I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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