he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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