I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
